Axis of Evil

I was searching through some computer files and came across a piece of John Cleese brilliance from about three years ago. Enjoy!

Axis of Evil Wannabees
by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the Axis of Evil, Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the Axis of Just as Evil, which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Current Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil. In their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils…best at being evil. We're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

"An axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it’s tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable.

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics.

Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice, But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America, while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick. "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay', accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

Whacked Out Nut Job

From charming, naïve entrepreneur Joel, to couch-hopping heathen. Yep, Tom Cruise is officially a freak. I loved all of those old Tom Cruise films: Risky Business, Losin’ It, Taps, All the Right Moves, The Outsiders. He was an up-and-coming star. Over time his popularity grew and he was no longer just the star, but a mega-star. He was the box office ‘It guy’ – the guaranteed draw. Top Gun, Minority Report, War of the Worlds, The Firm, Mission Impossible, to name but a few. The list is long.

So where did the change happen? When did he go from loving husband and ‘normal’ movie star to couch-hopping super freak? His outburst regarding psychiatrics. His expertise regarding prescribed medicines versus vitamins. His confrontation with Brook Shields and Matt Lauer. We all have heard about his expression of love to Katie Holmes on Orpah’s couch.

Well, I read today he repeated it again – after an arm-wrestling challenge to Yahoo CEO Terry Semel. This time in a chair at a Yahoo speaker function. Boing, Boing Boing goes Tommy. Enter, stage right, Katie – all preggers and glowing. Tom then proceeds to rub her tummy in front of the huge crowd, hops about the chairs and plants a kiss on Katie. Huh? What just happened here? Now I am not one to judge one’s beliefs or pass judgment on a religion. However, much of this seemed to surface after Thomas proclaimed devotion to Scientology. Religion? Cult? How about a vitamin Mr. Cruise? Well color me alien and call me Creator! I’m just sayin’…

Technology and Curiosity

I am really enjoying this blogging thing so far. Granted, I still need to work on posting more frequently, but I do like what I have done and where it is heading. On that note, I am considering adding the love of my iPod to my blog and try PodCasting in the near future. I am not sure how much I would have to say, or if people would even listen, but I do love technology and this sort of seems like the next logical step. I am curious to see how the whole process works and what the outcome might be. Keep an eye out on the right side of my blog in the 'Links' section for access to Planet Granville PodCasts. Who knows, maybe people will actually tune in and start a cult-like following! Uh-huh.

Mint Juleps on the Veranda

I recently returned from a few days in the South. Savannah, Georgia to be exact. If you have not been to Savannah, I highly recommend a trip in your future. Wow, what a beautiful city! It is amazing the vast amount of history that one small city holds. From 1733 to the present, events and famous figures have called Savannah home.

Here are a few to get you started as you plan your trip:

• Founded in 1733 by James Oglethorpe
• Forrest Gump filmed on location
• Setting for Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil
• Home to Johnny Mercer
• Cotton Gin invented by Eli Whitney
• Site of an Underground Railroad stop
• Saved from the fiery fate of Atlanta by General Sherman during Civil War
• Layout of 24 public squares (22 remain)
• Pirate’s House the pub/lodge of Captain Flint from Treasure Island
• Fifth busiest shipping port in the United States
• Second most haunted city in the United States
• Damn fine food!

The list could go on and on. I hope you enjoy the few photos here and, by all means, if you get a chance to visit Savannah do it!