My God, What Did I Eat Last Night?

It has been some time since I have had a dream that was vivid and one I really remember. Last night changed that.

Suddenly, I found myself in a small, fortified Norwegian fishing village in 1635. I know it was 1635 because I asked the daughter of the village chieftain. I am not sure why I was in Norway, why it was 1635, why the fishing village was fortified, or why I was still dressed in the jeans and sweater I had worn yesterday. Nonetheless, things were going well for quite a period. The Norwegians were very pleasant and welcoming. I ate my fill of fresh fish and delicious pastries. Also, one of my co-workers operated an amusement ride in the village. It was called the pollercoaster – very similar to the traditional rollercoaster, however riders held on to a moving metal poll to be transported about the ride. The villagers loved this form of entertainment during their leisurely times.

Did I mention that I was sent ahead of my travelling party to see if the nearby village was friendly? Yeah, apparently the winter months in Norway were much colder than usual that year. My band of travelers was still stuck in the ice flows in the ocean. The ship became lodged in ice and was unable to navigate the seas to the shoreline. For those of you old enough, think back to the 1971 Richard Harris film “Man In the Wilderness.” Much like the fur trappers moving their ship across land using ropes, block and tackle, and logs, my companions were doing something similar. A roadway of logs was laid out and the trapped ship was being pushed by the men, while small seals pulled from the front.

Well, apparently the villagers were pissed when they found out that the little seals were being abused in such a way. The entire party was taken to the village, ship in tow, and told that we were no longer welcomed. To be fair, they did feed us more delicious fish and pastries before becoming quite rude and inhospitable. We were given one week to get our items in order and leave, or we would be killed in the historic Viking style. I never learned what that was (probably for the best).

One week to get the boat ready to sail in the frozen seas was really pushing it. We decided to really work to be out of the village but decided on a backup plan – just in case. One night, under the cover of darkness, we broke into the pastry kitchen and stole large amounts of chocolate. We sculpted life-size images of ourselves from the chocolate and placed them around our lodging area, complete with weaponry. We wanted to create the appearance that we were not ones to be messed with. Plus, we knew that with the cold temperatures that the chocolate would not melt, so our ruse would be complete if we could not meet our deadline.

Fast forward to a week later. We did hit our deadline and had the ship in open waters and heading away from the Norwegian village. As we all looked back we saw the chieftain’s daughter atop the shoulders of one of the chocolate travelers, waving goodbye and, though not certain, we thought we saw a tear running down her cheek.

About that time my clock radio alarm went off and I awoke to Karen Carpenter singing “No Place Like Home for the Holidays” - far too early in the season. I really need to work on getting some better sleep.