Because 40 Just Wasn't Enough

I went in for my annual eye exam today. Well, annual might be a stretch…it’s been about two and a half years. Nonetheless, I decided to be the ‘healthy guy’ and go. My eyes are very healthy, no problems. Of course there is one small setback. Bifocals! My eye doctor was very pleasant through the whole process of eye charts, ocular pressure, shiny lights, etc. Then she drops the bifocal bomb. I just stared at her with the “Are you shitting me?” look on my face.

I know, I know. Bifocals are not the end of the world. Millions of people have them. But why me so soon after the Big 4–0? I am test driving a pair of bifocal contacts for the next week. They actually feel pretty good, although I tend to misjudge distance a bit. I was reaching for a pen at Wal-Mart earlier today and almost felt up the cashier. I am sure she enjoyed that part of her day…some wide-eyed, dilated freak grasping for her left tit!

While we were going through the whole process I threw caution to the wind and decided to get new frames to go with my newfound loss of vision. The frames are pretty stylish and trendy. Although I think I would enjoy them more not having the additional $200 bifocals added to the overall cost. Can’t wait to try them out on some unsuspecting front counter clerk when they are complete!

Let’s recap. Since turning 40 I have had a full physical (head to toe, inside and out), a visit to a liver specialist, and an eye exam with the bonus prize. Next week…hmmm…I think I will contact AARP and see what specials they might be offering.